Vicarious Trauma

I’m sure at some point you’ve been moved by a story to the point of tears, joy or even the occasional giggle that just wouldn’t go away. Emotions have a funny way of doing that to us as human beings. Our English language has its roots in the Latin which stems from the Greek language—where the sentiment of emotion comes from a word that means “to be moved”. Helpful tidbits that I’m sure you’ll carry with you the next time it comes on a Jeopardy clue.

The unfortunate aspect of emotion is that there are times where we may find ourselves carrying emotion that we don’t wish to carry. Some of that baggage might belong to us from events in the past or we may find ourselves carrying the weight of another. A big part of my work with those in helping professions is helping folks unpack the baggage of other people and to help them recognize that it was weight they didn’t need to pick up in the first place--- but human to do so as we tend to be creatures of connection. Vicarious Trauma is kind of like that. Baggage we find ourselves carrying that does not belong to us. The following article is written to help you understand what it is, what it does and how to detangle our story from the people who we find ourselves caring for or about…

What it is

Vicarious Trauma is a change that happens within us as we listen to the pain of others’ lived experience or witness a traumatic event second hand. It often comes in the form of being exposed to another’s story when they are a deep pain that they held onto. Those who are empathetic in nature often are more impacted due to their personality style of the way that they care about others.

What it does

When holding onto someone else’s pain in a manner that we are not able to release it, we often allow the emotion and content to get stuck within our own mind. It often happens as a result of moral injury as a sense of justice has been trespassed. Hearing or seeing how something wrong can happen changes the way that we see certain people, situations or even the world itself. For many, it reshapes reality as we understood it to be and it becomes a traumatizing experience. An example of this is hearing of a dark history of a person whom was admired. The phrase “never meet your heroes” comes to mind as it exposes our understanding of what we came to believe as fact and we are forced to re-examine reality as we now know it to be. The result can shake us to our core.

What can happen

When carrying vicarious trauma for too long without finding a way to recenter ourselves, a trauma response can kick in. Feelings of depression, sadness, hopelessness and cynicism can begin to take over. For many professionals, emotional burn out can take place and it can interfere with giving compassionate care. If the trauma happened within a family system, it can cause some members to isolate from their family and friends. The feeling of just being overwhelmed is common because it feels like we carry so much pain.  

What now? (The How)

To be honest, this article has been written as a response of myself looking online for content to send to clients who are carrying the pain of others. Many of what I found was very helpful in recognizing what it is, but I was left with the impression of what to do after we realize we’ve been carrying baggage that does not belong to us. The following is a short list of what we can do when we realize we’ve perhaps absorbed a bit too much of someone else’s pain.

1.     Reset and Maintain Boundaries- I am me and you are you.

First and foremost, it is important to realize that although we possess empathy for the person who shared their pain, the pain does not belong to us. This is a difficult distinction to make for those who have spent much of their lives being the helper or listener. Empaths tend to have terrible boundaries, and reminding ourselves that there is space between ourselves and the people around us can help us reset our place in our world. It’s a wonderful thing to be a listening ear, but it does not mean it is our task to make their pain go away.

2.     Understand the Difference between Empathy and Over-Identification

Empathy is simply feeling what another person feels. It is possible to empathize without being sucked into the experience of another. Over identification happens when we take on their story as our own. It is human to relate, but perhaps its superhuman and outside of our limits to enter the experience of the other as if it has been our own lived experience. Recognizing the differences can help us maintain our cognitive boundaries when we are being exposed to the pain of others.

3.     Unplug

If we as a society have learned anything about our pandemic in 2020, it is that if we don’t unplug from the noise, we will never be able to rest and recover. For some people, it may feel irresponsible or unfair to unplug because it makes it feel like we just don’t care. But from a logical point of view, if we don’t unplug from what is causing us to lose our energy, we will ultimately run on an empty tank. Unplugging can be all sorts of actions. Going for a walk, turning off social media, choosing not to respond to text messages, emails or phone calls, simply watching a good tv show or reading a book can all be ways that we detach from whatever is draining us in order to recharge our batteries.

4.     Practice Dialectic Reflection

The term dialectical means two opposing things being true at once. There is a psychotherapeutic model called Dialectical Behavioural Therapy which helps clients balance their thoughts and emotions so they don’t overwhelm and take over. Considering this in light of vicarious trauma, the practice of dialectical thinking and reflecting can help us find balance of the sorrow that we have heard about and felt and the joy and beauty that exists in the world. One helpful practice can be mindfulness as we notice the heaviness in what we carry but also the beauty in a sunset or the buzz of the bumblebees in a meadow. This practice can help us get out of our own heads and into a realization that there is more to our experience than the stuff we have been overcome with. A regular practice like this is an important part of any caretaker and something that I often have to practice myself as a therapist.

Hopefully as you read this you find a couple of helpful tips and tidbits to walk away with. If you find yourself reading this as a timely time, I encourage you to put these tips into practice. And hey-- if you ever want to talk anything out that you find yourself carrying, I’m only an email or phone call away  

Until Next Time,