Now that the Christmas buzz has slowed to a dull roar, we are waking up to mid-January with a bit of a ho-hum. This week I’ve received quite a few new referrals and inquiries since many of us have a tradition of making New Year’s resolutions, and if you are anything like me, cheating every once in while. As I welcome folks who gather the courage to reach out as they are in the midst of difficult storms, I also do my best to prepare those who are seeking to bring change to their lives. If this is you, scrolling through this article and considering entering into therapeutic relationship, here are a few things to expect from your therapist and then in another coming article, I'll mention a few less helpful expectations that some may have when beginning work with a therapist.
What to expect when you begin seeing a therapist…
1. Expect to set some goals
By the end of the first (or at least second session) it is good to have something concrete and tangible that you can work towards. Realistic goals may be developing coping mechanisms, learning ways to fight against depressive thoughts, or learning to manage conflict without having a heated argument. These goals should be reviewed throughout the therapy relationship and when these goals are met, it may be a good time to consider ending the therapeutic relationship. Goals also help us realize that when we are struggling, we struggle for a purpose and that will give us the motivation to keep going with difficulty arises.
2. Expect to be asked uncomfortable questions
Psychotherapy’s latin root words basically translate to “soul work”. In order to attend to something deep within us, some questions need to be asked and answers shared that are personal and often uncomfortable. Due to the nature of what brings someone into therapy, we often have tremendous hurt that even being asked a simple question can bring out a complex response. This uncomfortable process is necessary in order to move forward, so expect to be asked things that are personal. One stance I personally hold is that you should never push a client further than they are comfortable going, so also expect to be in control of the conversation when it is uncomfortable. You always have the right to say no and you always have the right to stop the conversation when it becomes too uncomfortable. A well-seasoned therapist should be trained in how do handle a delicate conversation and when to stop pushing.
3. Expect professionalism and information
You will notice on my “about me” page that I believe that every person is the expert in their own lives and that the therapist comes in as a consultant. With the consultant role comes the professional standards as well as the fact that a well-trained therapist should be informed and to be able to share that information with others. For more information on this, look into the regulated college that your therapist is a part of and expect them to abide by those standards. One personal bias that I have as well is that if this therapist is not a part of a regulatory body, it may be wise to consider what kind of therapy you are looking for and if there are any accountability measures in place to ensure that you are being treated in a safe and effective manner.
4. Expect to it to feel worse before it feels better
If an issue like depression, anxiety or relational distress has brought you in, expect the first few sessions to merely expose the issue. As a rookie, I remember jumping in with both feet as a helper in order to solve the problem that people were having in order for them (and me) to feel better. This isn’t a helpful approach as it leaves us open to making mistakes and perhaps not really addressing an issue well. Instead, expect your therapist to actively listen and to ask for clarification along the way. When the source of the pain identified, it will feel worse, however in order to heal we need to see the problem for what it really is. Although this is a painful experience… we then have the opportunity to respond through personal growth.
5. Expect to change
Finally, expect that therapy will bring change to either the life you currently live or your perspective of your issue. When choosing the right therapist I recommend doing your own homework and making sure that they are trained to help you deal with your problem, but then to commit to about 3-4 sessions. This should begin to process of changing and should set you on the right course of action. This is where goal setting is important. Look for progress and if you don’t see any, determine together the next steps. For more information on change, you may also find this other article helpful to you…
Interested in common misconceptions that people may have? Stay tuned next time for What NOT to Expect in Therapy...
Until Next Time,