As a psychotherapist, I can't count the number of times I have ended therapy with someone and heard the words, "I really wish I did this sooner". I think the most heartbreaking times are when I sit with someone who is recently divorced, grieving the fact that the relationship may be been saved if they had the tools that they needed to connect on a more meaningful level. In my previous work with youth and young adults, I was lucky enough to help them catch issues while they were young, so that they didn't have to walk the hard road that many adults had done before them.
I would say that by the time a person picks up the telephone to give me a call, things have gotten pretty rough. The bickering has turned to yelling, the inner critic has become overwhelming or the grief has grown so big that we need to do some extra work to just get back to a place where life is at least manageable at best. I see this process like vehicle maintenance: it's best to replace an engine belt when you hear a squeak while you can still drive down the road; before it snaps and leaves your stranded on a side road in rural Ontario!
In terms of the work done when things have escalated to a point of crisis, I often refer to this work as restorative. When a relationship has been broken, there are times that we can pick up the pieces of what we had and slowly work through our hurts and unresolved emotions that need our attention. I am a big believer that it is not over until it is over and have witnessed many couples and family members restore what they had to be an even stronger bond that they wouldn't have ever believed could have been possible. Again, it is usually upon reflection that they leave my office saying "we really should have done this sooner". Those are the times I actually enjoy hearing that phrase. Sadly, there are other times when it is too late and someone leaves the office never to return to both therapy and the relationship that they are in.
My greatest joy in the work that I do is helping people when they simply hear the squeak in their wheels and come in before it gets bad. For some-- it is the difficulty asserting themselves at the workplace and we utilize some tools in order to do so before they tell their boss where to go, leaving them to search on google for a new line of work. For others, it's revisiting past traumatic events before reliving it again in their lives. And still others (I could go on for days), come in and learn to stand up to that inner critic who told them that they were not worth anything-- allowing them to step out of the dark shadow and into a new way of relating to others or role in life that they never thought they would be able to live up to. This work is more preventative in nature where when we end therapy, my clients often say "I'm so glad I did this before it got worse".
My hope for you is that you can be able to recognize "the squeak" on your drive and the wisdom to know when it might be wise to give it some attention before it turns into "thump". And hey-- if you're ever in the Wellington or Mapleton area or wanting to reach out through online video, I'm only a phone call or email away.
Until Next Time,