When Harry Truman resided in the White House, it is said that he had a sign on his desk which read “the buck stops here”. Likely that Truman did not originate the phrase, it is probable that if he never populated the saying, it would not have been so widely known.
The term “passing the buck” refers to a marker in a poker game where it would be your responsibility to deal the next hand. Stopping the buck would suggest that there is a pause in the game and all players recognize that it is up to the person with the marker to make the decision to deal the next hand or pass it on.
For Truman, the phrase meant that he would choose to take personal responsibility for his own decisions, actions and responsibilities. As tempting as it may seem to simply point a finger and blame a previous administration or group; accepting the responsibility to do something about the present situation was the most effective and logical thing to do.
In our own lives, we all have markers that have been handed down through the branches of our family tree. These markers come in all kinds of behavioural forms and have a way of sneaking into our pockets from a young age and we too—willingly or subconsciously, hand them onto our own children to pass onto theirs. In a sense, it is merely tribal and human to do so. Yet even still, when people are able to recognize the importance of stopping the painful cycle, they make a heroic gesture and declare that the buck will stop with them. I’ve been lucky enough to witness some of these heroes in my own practice who have done just that.
Are you wondering what some of these markers may be? Here's a short list...
1. The Negative Tone
2. Responding to Pain or Discomfort Through Violence (Physical or Emotional)
3. The Need to Always Be in Control
4. The Inability to Admit Fault in Front of Others
5. An Inability to Affirm and Praise Others in a Meaningful Way
Do any of these markers look like the ones that you carry or have in the past?
Me too.
The first step to making any change in this area is the recognition that you do have a problem that needs to be addressed. Tune in next time as we find out how to “stop the buck” with these markers in order to find inner healing and hope. And hey-- if you are ever in the Wellington or Mapleton Regions and are looking to work through some of these issues, I'm only a phone call or email away.
Until Next Time,