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Paul J. Wong

Letting Go Of The Control You Never Had...


I write this article beginning at 6:45 in the morning. The kids are up and everyone seems to have their own personal crisis. The breakfast needs to be put together, the toddler needs to be dressed, the 2nd grader just poked the kindergartner antagonistically, the oldest child has to know the answer to all of life's unbearable questions; and the sun hasn't even risen yet!

If you are a parent, you can likely relate.

I also am keeping my eye on the news as the local university is now on strike. A few people that I know are directly impacted by this strike and most of their next few days are up in the air. What some call limbo, others call purgatory; while the more adventurous take this time as a chance to enjoy the last few moments of nice weather in hopes that the strike will last at least the weekend to give them a chance to get away. Still others, like myself, tend to cling to the next little piece of information in hopes to know more, as if the next word that comes out will give a bit more of control over the situation so life can then move forward.

Perhaps you've been in a place like this before:

Your car breaks down and you want to find the cause, even though you are not mechanically inclined in the least way possible.

You've had an interview with a company you prefer to work at and you're sitting by the telephone, just waiting for the answer.

You're a Canadian citizen, yet you still feel that you have say in the current president's impeachment, as you check up on him via google with hopes that better news will come.

Sadly, most of life's circumstances are out of our control. And the more time and emotional energy we spend worrying about what we cannot change leads us into a tailspin of anxiety.

For those of you who find yourselves stuck in this tailspin, a few words and pieces of wisdom that I've been taken to heart.

Power and Control are active forces, but true agency comes when we let go and allow what will happen to happen. Only then are we free to grab onto what will actually help us in the situation rather than an unending tug of war.

When circumstances change the present moment, it can be helpful to take a step back as a witness of your life. Sometimes a change of perspective can help us see new possibilities.

For the most part, control is an illusion. Anxiety is often rooted in the desire or fear that we need to be in control. When we can recognize this actively (which is easier said than done), we then choose to experience the emotion like a cloud that comes, rests and then passes, rather than internalizing the emotion as it then ruminates and grows into an all-encompassing storm.

My hope for you is that you can experience clarity amid uncertainty. Maybe not in what will come or when it may happen; but in your stance in relation to what ever is clouding over your day. And lastly, to perhaps borrow from the words of a dear friend of mine, "Don't worry, go out and look at the birds who neither reap or sow; yet even they are still taken care of..." Until Next Time,


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