When I was a pastor, I remember feeling incredibly lonely.
The problem was not that I was a lone ranger without any co-workers. I actually worked in a fairly large church with multiple staff. We laughed together, prayed together and would share personal stories. When my wife and I had our children, we would receive meals and gifts from these wonderful people.
Yet through it all, It still felt incredibly lonely.
A big part of getting into helping professions (social work, child and youth, nursing, personal support work, teaching, foster parenting, etc.) is the desire to make the world a better place through interactions with others. It takes a certain type of person to get into a helping profession and without these people the world would literally fall apart. These are the people who are the glue of our society and when things go wrong, these are the people who we normally turn to for help. That's why we call them helpers. It's a draining style of relating, but the people who are wired this way can't help but live it.
So who does the helper turn to when their well runs dry?
Sometimes it's good to reach out to friends who you will offer a shoulder to cry on and unconditional positive regard. These are the people who we can be honest with, knowing that they won't judge us for telling them when we just can't stand someone.
Sometimes family members are instrumental, as they have the ability to see our blind spots and know us through a long-detailed history.
And in my case (surprise!) a therapist was a good fit for my situation. I had many wonderful friends and family members, but I needed to see someone who would sit with me in the pit of my emotional exhaustion and listen to my lament. I needed someone who would tell me when I was wearing a mask which hid my own pain and who would offer a safe space to just be myself.
For helpers, a well trained psychotherapist can offer this kind of an environment. And in my experience, it made a world of difference in both my professional and personal life.
If you are currently in a helping profession and are feeling a bit drained, I encourage you to reach out. Find a person who is trained to help the helper, someone who will not talk down to you as a lofty guru; but simply someone to walk beside you and maybe say "me too" occasionally as well.
Because even helpers need a helping hand every once in a while.
Until Next Time,