One of the most exciting (and frightening) aspects to change is what can happen when we decide to make any modifications to our behaviour, perspectives and lives. Perhaps if you had decided in the past to make any changes to your diet, you noticed your body responding in both pleasant and not-so-pleasant ways. The same can be true for the changes that are implemented in both our social and personal lives. As I often have people coming to me looking for help with making some behavioural changes, I have decided to write a short list of what I've noticed in my own life as well as the lives of the people who I have had the privilege of sharing stories with. Here are three things which we CAN expect to happen when we decide to make any changes in our lives.
Expect people to point it out
When Jerry began to exercise regularly, he began to sweat more in different settings. His shirts were noticeably stained after going to the gym and his wife told him to shower more frequently. At first, Jerry was surprised that he gained this sudden attention until it dawned on him--his wife had noticed his new routine even without having to say a word to her. The result was a more encouraging journey to Jerry's exercise routine as he now had his wife cheering him on to better cardio-vascular health.
Whenever we begin to change, people will eventually notice. For those who are choosing to focus on the positive more than the negative (part of a mood exercise that I often recommend to my own clients), you may notice that people will point out your past perspective or attitude and how sarcastic or negative it was. Some people find this to be a bit unnerving because the people around us might point out the difference it makes and how poor about our past behaviour had been. Because we are social creatures of habit, when the behaviour changes, those in our tribes who are connected to us well will tend to magnify it in both a welcome and unwelcome manner. I always recommend that during the first stages of change, you keep at it until it becomes a natural part of your character.
Expect some push back...
Another aspect of change that we don't always consider is how it will bring negative (whether perceived or actual) results. I always warn my clients when they begin therapy that the family system which they live in will likely react in an unsupportive way to new behavior. This is mainly due to the changing roles that we now take on. An example of this is a mother of teenagers who has taken the role of caretaker in the past. As mom recognizes that she is on the verge of a mental breakdown since she has not been able to care for herself, she suddenly stops doing everything for everyone else. The kids soon notice and complain that she didn't packed their lunches every day. Husband realizes that his laundry hasn't magically washed itself and is scratching his head. The dog is acting out because no one is taking her for a walk anymore. The family suddenly is thrown into chaos... all because someone changed their behaviour.
Pushback or resistance is common with any change experience because human beings do not like change. Change for many is a scary concept because there is an element of the unknown. Again, I encourage folks to wade through the murky waters of the unknown... because eventually the fog will lift and you may end up in a more positive setting.
Expect to grow through the experience
Change is a difficult process and there are times when change is downright painful. The positive side to change however is that the roads that are the most daunting are the ones that bring the highest rewards. Although there are some who begin to implement change but then recognize that it was a mistake (which does happen from time to time), most of the people who I have worked with were glad that they sought out to push through their struggles. Growth tends to happen when we stress ourselves, much like when we work our muscles in our bodies. Yes, people do tend to notice and there will be some push back within our social circles; but the reason for changing often outweighs the struggle to get there. Along the rocky path, we gain new insights on life. We may end unhealthy relationships but then gain new life giving ones. In my own practice, I continually find that people develop a new hope and zest for life that they had not considered before. And it is all because they decided that something needed to happen and then put one foot in front of the other. That's growth...and growth is a good thing.
There you have it. Three aspects to expect to happen when you decide to make any changes in your life. Check back in the next week or two as we look at the second installment of this series: what NOT to expect when we decide to make any changes in our lives. I do hope that you have found this article (as well as many others I have written) to be relatable and helpful for your own journey or perhaps for the lives of others. If you do find it helpful, I encourage you to pass it to someone else who may find it useful to motivate them towards changing an attitude, perspective or behaviour. And as always, feel free to reach out by either email or telephone if you are in the Sudbury region and looking for a counsellor or psychotherapist. I'm always just a phone call or email away.
Until Next Time,